newly sober: stayin' sober on a cruise
from Fidel Castro to German Chocolate Cake, this ain't my first rodeo
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Queen of the Cruise
when i was eight years old in 2001, we went on our first family cruise through South America— my dad was hired Entertainment on a cruise for the richest men in America under the age of forty, and their families.
our cabin was in the belly of the boat with the crew, and at each port where we dropped anchor, we were greeted by the president of each country— Panama, Costa Rica, Cuba, Columbia— flanked by fleets of machine guns. on that trip, i heard Fidel Castro speak for hours at the Havana Convention Center in Cuba. holding a device to my ear as if we were listening for the ocean in a conch shell, English translations whispering in our ears, my dad looked at me and my brothers as he assertively whispered, “Never forget this— do not forget this.” so, we didn’t. we did, however, do cartwheels and running races with the other kids from the boat around hour 2.
on our next cruise happened when i was seventeen, and i was “allowed” (as directed by my nutritionist) to eat one carb per meal and one “Treat Item” per day, so i barely noticed as we went from Denmark to Estonia to Sweden to Finland to Russia, hyper-fixated on making the right treat choice. i was moody and felt trapped, dangerously teetering between forbidden choices. and also, counting calories on the eliptical every day. my body was abroad, but my brain was not on vacation.
after graduating high school, we cruised through the mediterranean as i swan-dived into binge-drinking. my third time drinking, the teens i met onboard conspired to get booze on port and sneak it onto the boat. wine and liquor aplenty from Italy and Ibiza, i drank so fast and hard that in my black out in a jacuzzi, i “dropped” (read: spiked) a wine bottle onto a blonde dude’s head, and i ended the night by vomiting up various french cheeses, cherries, crab, wine, shrimp, vodka, and pizza in front of the toilet in the cabin i shared with my brother. when my brother came back that night after me, he was launched into the dark room by the stench; the bathroom door cracked open providing a hint that i was present. when he cracked open the bathroom door, i was holding myself up with the back of my hand, my wrist bent backward, on the toilet seat— i proceeded to drag my hand through the pile of vomit to reach out my hand to him, asking, “can you hand me a towel?” as a towel hung right next to my head. i came out of the blackout, on my hands and knees, dry-heaving on the floor of the shower, as my brother percolated between hot, cold, hot, cold, hot. i popped a eye blood vessel in my eye from vomiting so hard <3 my family called me the terminator for the rest of the trip. my folks didn’t know about the drinking— or how the terminator was born— until i told them three months ago. ignorance is bliss <3
december 2018, my family made it back to Cuba, but Fidel was dead, we were of legal age in the states, and *I* would become the entertainment. i drank a piña colada and ate a hot dog every day at the pool at noon. i sang karaoke in the lounge every night, the crew ready with my Stella Artois before i even sat down. i sang so passionately— made such a name for myself— that people stopped me during my daily piña colada and hot dog to tell me that i had “made their trip.” at night, i chain smoked cuban cigars and chugged beer. i found a long-haired stoner from Wisconsin, and we found solitude on the deck of the boat in the middle of the night— the sea roaring, the moon shining bright overhead. when we docked in Miami, my legs broke out in hives from too many shots of rum and chain-smoking cigars.
at the time, i was confused as to why i was so itchy.
all of this is to say, i’ve had a lot of different experiences on cruises.
i’ve been a lot of different people.
however, up until this point: i have never been of legal drinking age and sober on a cruise.
but baby, i’m doing it. and here’s how:
How To Stay Sober On A Cruise:
Get Aligned With Your Values
remember what you would like to achieve: I Would Like To Stay Sober On This Cruise Because I Am Working Towards Staying Sober Each Day At Home
remind yourself of all the shitty/embarrassing/insane things you’ve done on cruises prior, not to shame yourself but to remember what happens when you let your drinking run the show. you want to do better by yourself and the people around you. you don’t want the crew to have to clean up the rank vomit you tracked into the carpet. you want to be able to make eye contact with all who you pass. you want to enjoy yourself without losing your mind.
Ask for Support
Ask about “Friend of Bill” meeting
if you are in recovery rooms, you already know that saying you’re “a friend of Bill W” is like our Bat Signal. if not— this is a way to find fellow sobers. HOT TOP: if you’re in an airport and you’re craving a drink, go to any desk and tell them to page a friend of Bill W and some sober person will come ambling up for support. same goes for cruises.
unfortunately for me, there was no Friend of Bill meeting on the schedule. i spoke to reception, they didn’t know what i was talking about, but they sent me the Entertainment Director. he didn’t know what i was talking about, but he scheduled a meeting anyways— I was the only one to show.
If this happens: see #6
of you are traveling with friends or family, ask for help. they want what’s best for you, and hopefully they are aware that you are sober/not drinking. let me them be helpful because if you’re not open you will get resentful and drink.
just because other people are drinking doesn’t mean they don’t want to be supportive. allow them to be support— ask for help.
be honest— holding it all in makes it worse. they can tell when you’re freaking out, anyways. risk being vulnerable.
ask travel companions to look for non-alcoholic options on the menu for you so that you don’t have to search through the cocktail list. ask them to ask bartenders about non-alcoholic options. it does help when my loved ones answer for me, “No Wine for her, please” as waiters try to pour a floral red into my empty wine glass. ask that they move the wine bottle to the other end of the table when waiters place it in front of you— it’s a relief not have to move it/call notice to it yourself (moving the bread basket did NOT feel the same way— THAT felt shameful).
if you aren’t able to be honest with your travel companions, hopefully you met other sober folks on the boat— if not, go to #6.
Have Alcohol REMOVED From Mini-fridge
why tempt fate? why taunt yourself? this trip is about pleasure, not misery. make things easy on yourself, ask for help. call reception or room service, and someone will come and remove all the alcohol from your mini-fridge. they will also do this in hotels.
Do Not Buy The Unlimited Drink Package
spend that money on the unlimited (and much cheaper) unlimited WiFi. they’ll serve you water and soda to your heart’s content. don’t be tempted and don’t get it twisted.
Eat Whatever The Fuck You Want
fuck calories, fuck diets— you ain’t drinking and that’s enough. you’re on vacation. ENJOY— EAT THE CAKE. ORDER THREE ENTREES IF U WANT TO. WHO CARES.
Buy The Unlimited WiFi Package
you ain’t paying for the drink package— pay for the WiFi.
stay connected to your support system/sober community while you’re aboard. if you attend meetings, find virtual ones— stick to your routine/schedule/favorites. call a sober buddy a day. send out gratitude lists. don’t think for a second that just because you’re on a ship that you can’t stay connected.
LISTEN TO YOUR BODY; TAKE BREAKS
HALT: Hungry, Angry/Anxious, Lonely, Tired
a meltdown is probably coming, and it’s okay. a lot is happening and changing. a lot of stimuli, a lot of input. routine helps us stay stable and sober, and travel is about disrupting routine and consuming what is new and foreign and novel. if you’re overwhelmed— that’s normal and part of the experience. take care of yourself in the ways you have learned how.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: this may be a once in a lifetime experience, but it won’t be fun or a pleasant memory if you push through what your body is telling you: a faint whisper ignored will contort itself into a coarse scream. with the time change, disruption of routine, so much change, and uncertainty, it is especially important to stay attuned to what is. you tired? you hungry? angry or anxious? tired? do what you need to do to feel sated, rested, and sane.
breaks are necessary. lay down. sleep. drink water. eat snacks. meditate. pray. journal. do everything you do to keep yourself level at home, but on a boat.
Prepare for Culture at Each Port
each location has its own relationship to alcohol— don’t go in in blind. you landing in France? there’s gonna be a fuck-ton of wine. Tangier? not so much. better to go in knowing what you’re going to face rather than get smacked in the face by an unforeseen glove.
bring a water bottle, sunscreen, chapstick, sunglasses. make sure your needs are taken care of before you are on your feet and running. baby yourself, bring a snack.
“No, thank you.” is a full sentence.
Don’t Be A Stranger— Make Friends
smile at anyone who passes and say“Hi”. learn names, tell people yours. get to know folks from all over the world. passengers and crew alike are new friends to be made. enjoy it. it’s like camp college all over again— except with room service, unlimited wifi, incredible world travel, and unlimited room service.
be kind to others, be kind to yourself.
whether it’s your first cruise or your fiftieth, remember that this IS the experience of a lifetime. you probably ain’t on the boat that our great-great grandparents took to find a new land— more pink-eye than shrimp cocktail. many weren’t even consenting— this is something you PAID MONEY to do.
remember: gratitude is an attitude. when you’re feeling sticky, find three things to be grateful for. can be as simple as a place to sleep, bottled water, and that you’re not actively sinking on a boat in the middle of the sea.
enjoy where you are— remember you are right where you are meant to be. you’re about to see more corners of the world. you’re lucky to be mobile.
we don’t get sober to stay miserable. so remember: this is the one lifetime we are granted in this meat suit— and we don’t have to poison ourselves to have fun.
enjoy yourself— have fun. and if you’re craving a mocktail, go with a virgin mojito.
XOXO,
PAULINA
p.s. if you hear the code *Bright Star* over the loud speaker, someone died. and their body is in a freezer down below <3 don’t let that light go out. shine bright, my bright star.
here my day count and live update below
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