my name is Paulina, and i’m an alcoholic and an addict.
meet my drunk alter ego, Barflina:
picture this: blacked out at a college rugby halloween party, dressed as honey boo boo child, face-planted into a cupcake.
Barflina became my nickname after my senior year of high school. every time i drank, i either blacked out or vomited. whether it was booze, weed, or self-sabotage, barflina was the queen of excess, taking everything to the extreme.
but on December 22, 2021, everything changed. since that day, i’ve been sober from all mind-altering substances.
the universe granted me what i could not grant myself (if you’re thirsty for the gritty details, read Hitting Rock Bottom: Part 1 and Part 2). given the gift of desperation, i dove headfirst into sobriety.
2022 became a year of mourning my old life: ending an engagement to an anti-natalist, moving back in with my parents, and vowing celibacy. i was attending meetings, taking four naps a day, and crying so hard that i threw up in my mouth more than once.
who was i without being a stoner? could i ever have fun without drinking? who the hell am i?
lost in questions, i turned to books. but everything i read in the recovery genre felt polished, written by people with years of sobriety under their belts. what about the messy, uncertain, gut-wrenching first year?
so, i set out to fill that gap: to capture what early sobriety looks, sounds, and feels like—right as it’s happening.
Cue: newly sober.
but let me be clear: i know very little. i am no saint. i don’t have the answers. i even refuse to use capital letters to show how little authority i claim.
however, if i do this right, maybe you’ll realize that you’re not alone. whether you’re sober, sober-curious, or still drinking/getting high every day, my goal is to offer a candid portrait of early recovery.
you’re in the right place—no matter what state you’re in.
why subscribe?
if you’re newly sober, know someone who is, or are just curious about sobriety, this newsletter will give you an unfiltered, raw look at my sober journey—the wins, the losses, and everything in between.
to be clear: you don’t have to be sober or even sober-curious to subscribe. this is a space for everyone, no matter where you are on the spectrum of addiction and recovery.
what you’ll get:
honest, weekly reflections on sobriety, alcoholism, addiction, and codependence.
book reviews, interviews, and guest writers sharing their own journeys.
a candid window into early sobriety—raw, real, and unfiltered.
for paid subscribers:
two weeks after each post goes live, it moves behind a paywall. as i move further into my sobriety, it feels too vulnerable to keep my early content free forever, so i ask for an exchange. paid subscriptions don’t come with extra perks, but they allow you full access to the newly sober archive and help support my journey and the future of this newsletter.
with a paid subscription, you’ll be supporting me in being a writer, but you won’t receive anything extra beyond full access to the archive.
ask paulina
got questions? i’ve got an advice column that runs once a month. feel free to dm me with any and all questions. check out the first installment here.
message or comment your question, and you may get your answer in a newsletter:
stay connected
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join a community of people who get it—whether you’re sober, curious, or simply here for the stories.
XOXO,
PAULINA
